Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Am I being too sensitive about this?

Lately I've been seeing alot of brand logos and bumper stickers that seem rather ominous to me. I am talking about the skull with the helmet sometimes accompanied by the iron cross or a point on top of the helmet. I see it on shirts and now on the back windows of cars. What is this logo trying to say? "I long for the days of Nazi Germany? Or I'm not anti-semetic or anything but I sure do like creepy references to WWII German militarism." Anyone can tell you that I'm not a religious person, and my actions are not motivated by any deep seated cultural beliefs about Judaism. I am not trying to cry wolf over here, but seriously, when did it become a good idea to sport images of skulls with pointy German helmets? It seems like these graphics are just a hop skip and a jump away from a nazi swastika. The iron cross is affiliated with WWII German military. The helmet is also a reminder of this. And the skull is an image depicting death and or killing. And the nazi's killed Jews during WWII so I have to imagine that the skull is in some way a reference to this. Either way I am not comfortable around people who wear clothes or drive cars with these kinds of pictures. After looking at a Metal Mulisha website I found images of skulls with helmets without points or German iron crosses, but I know what I saw in the alley behind my apartment on the rear window of that car. And if that person gets his car keyed or one of his tires punctured by a hobby knife that I keep in my desk drawer, I didn't do it.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Please, no more late night shake weight ads.

I can't believe they still have ads for the shake weight on TV. They used to be on during normal time slots but now the shake weight (individually sold to men and women) can only be seen late at night. This product is terrible. South Park couldn't pass this product up and did what needed to be done. They made fun of this product so badly that I cringe every time I see a commercial for it. I just saw a SNL clip that took it a step further. But honestly this product doesn't even need to get made fun of, it's a classic joke as soon as you see the guy or girl strenously shaking the crap out of this phallic thing while sweating in their spandex. My favotite part is when the guy in the commercial puts his shake weight down after his awesome fitness time and has this look on his face like "oh yeah, what a great workout!" I think I'd rather do Zumba or the P90X program or whatever. Who am I kidding, the only workouts I do these days are 12 ounce curls, but that's still better than that stupid shake weight.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm over crossing the border for medicine

Refilling an asthma inhaler prescription in the U.S. costs $40 and I'm not made of money. The same medicine in Tijuana costs 6 or 7 dollars. The tacos are delicious but the border line is a bitch. I used to get churros while waiting in the line, but the last few times the vendors sold me cold ones, which sucked. The worst part is that during the whole wait I have to wonder if the the border patrol agent is going to give me the third degree on the way back into the U.S. "Empty your pockets, Is that all you were doing in Mexico?, Where do you live in San Diego?" Every time I'm pretty sure I'll make it back no problem, it's not like I'm smuggling in oxycodon taped to my leg or anything, but the possibility of getting stuck in Mexico is always a little scary.
The other part of the line that really gets my goat are the cutters. No cuts no butts no coconuts man, that is for real. When the old decrepit people breeze by me I've got no problem, but when some shady looking able-bodied American strolls by and blatantly cuts in front of some diminutive person it just seems so rude. One time I heard a guy complaining to his girlfriend about it as they waited behind me. He asked why that guy had to cut and she said that maybe he had an emergency or something. the man responded, "Well I've got got an emergency too, its not wanting to wait in this f-ing line all day!" I couldn't help laughing even if it let them know I was eavesdropping. Last time I was in that line it was so long that I wanted to cry, it went around the corner by the empty lots and doubled back on itself. I was so bummed that I decided to be one of those shady American jerks. But I was different, I found a nice looking woman and asked her politely if she minded me cutting in front of her. This may have been rude to the 600 people behind her, but at least I gave her the courtesy of having the chance to say no. I know I wouldn't mind letting a person cut in front of me if they asked nicely. So next time you cross the street and step off the footbridge to get in line, don't just step into line like a jerk, ask the person standing there if they mind. They will probably let you in and then you won't have to feel like a total piece of !@#$ for the next 20-45 minutes while you are waiting there in front of them.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Get out of my face with all your texting!

I was walking through a building on a college campus, and when I opened the door I scared the crap out of a guy who was about to walk into it as it opened. Later I was walking down a narrow ramp outside when a girl stopped in front of me causing me to have to ask her to move aside so I could get past. Later that day at another college campus, a young woman walked towards me diagonally and knocked into me as I walked off a footbridge.

I think you know what all these jerks had in common, they were texting. None of these invonveniences were a big deal, but they were annoying. We all saw the phone commercial that shows people obnoxiously ignoring those around them because they are typing on their phones. Everybody had a good laugh, but nobody picked up on the social message that was humorously conveyed by this advertisement. Sometimes you need to stop texting. Seriously, what is so important that it makes it OK to act like a piece of crap out in public?

As Michael Turko, the most influential agent of significant social change in San Diego, once said, "It ain't right!"

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Ebay is not so great

This week I am bringing PB&J to work because I blew all my lunch money on stupid Ebay crap. I didn't think it was stupid crap at the time, but of course, I never do. When I started to go on Ebay I thought it was so fantastic. I would look up anything I could think of and try to buy it for cheap. Many people have gone through this mistake. My brother used my Ebay account to buy magic cards. Last year I went on Ebay to get a buck knife before we went camping. The knife is pretty awesome, but really, who needs a buck knife these days? I'm not Davey Crocket. A few years back I got really nutty and spent over two hundred dollars on comic books. The stories were good and all, but I'm a grown man, come on.

This is my latest embarrassment. I have tried to rationalize this purchase many times and I can't come up with a single good reason for it.
So take that Meg Whitman, first you lost the election and now you've lost one of your most loyal customers.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Week Night Bar Review: The Wait is Great at The Lamplighter


The Lamplighter is a pretty good karaoke spot. The place gets crowded fast but there are usually empty tables by the stage. And the bartender is pretty good attaking drink orders fast. Not like Bar Pink where you stand at the bar for 30 minutes like a jerk waiting for the bartender to get to you.

The karaoke aspect of the Lamplighter is not bad at all. There is usually a long waiting list of names but the DJ will bump you ahead for a tip. I don't mind the wait though. I have a short list of songs that I am willing to perform, and I'm not that confident in my singing, so the wait is great. I get to put my name on that list and I'm in it baby! If I put my name down for a second song then I'm doin' it big. But the list is so long there is a chance my turn won't even come. Sometimes I have to sing both of my awesome songs, but most times all I get to do is one.

The best part is whenever someone asks me about doing karaoke that night I get to be be like "Oh yeah, I'm signed up for two songs bro." So the whole time I feel like I'm doing the thing that everybody's doing, I have a little bit of exciting pre-stage anxiety, and a strong motivation to drink PBR to get my stage confidence on.
By the end of the night some people do good up on stage and some do hilariously bad, like that time I did Deacon Blues by Steely Dan. I thought that since I remembered the chorus I was qualified to sing that song. WRONG. About 2 minutes into the song I realized that I didn't have the pipes for it. It was some rough stuff. Overall, I give the place two thumbs up

Monday, March 21, 2011

I'm over the Gaslamp District



Every bar in this phony district is either super classy with a cover or it is super nasty with bums and their bundles under the tables. This economic dichotomy(look it up) is crap. I don't have $10 to spend on a cover and I don't want to hang out with bummy Joe for free either. I remember going out there for a friend's birthday and nobody wanted to pay a cover. So we walked up Broadway until we got to some bar that had a cocktails sign in the window. My friend told me that he will never forget that night because it was the worst bar he's ever been to. I think it was the same bar shown in the movie Traffic when the cops go to find some bad guy in a scummy dive bar. I guess next time we'll just pay the $5 to go hang at The Star Bar. It ain't The Ritz, but at least the $5 cover will weed out the hobos.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

3DS for $249.99, are you kidding me?


I was in Gamestop the other day and I saw the display box for the new 3DS. A hand held system for $250, you must be kidding. And I'm a faithful buyer of Nintendo DS products. I got the DS, then I got the DS Lite, then I traded in my Light towards a DSi. I'm down with the system, no one can question my loyalty to this toy. Every time a new DS comes out it is not a question of if I will buy it, it is only a question of when. But $249.99? Come on Nintendo, I've got bills to pay. For that much money this thing had better be able to do a lot. If I am struggling with this ridiculously high price then I would have to imagine that many others are too. For once Nintendo it is a question of if I will get it rather than when. I thought that during these harsh economic times the video game industry was one of the few markets that was not taking a brutal financial hit. Even if it does cost a lot to manufacture, $249.99 is a lot of money. I ask you, Nintendo fat-cat executives, what's up with exorbitant prices? I'm not rich and who ever priced this thing is a b!@#%. I think Nell Carter put it best when she said "Gimme a break!" (Give Me A Break 1987).

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Brutal Bar Scene



The other night I was out at a couple of bars to hang out with a friend from out of town. He wanted to check out a hot bar scene, so we went to Bar Pink in North Park and The Whistle Stop in South Park. There were plenty of girls and people were dancing so my friend was happy, but I couldn't stand it. Me and my girlfriend paid ten bucks to get into Whistlestop and I hated it in there so much that I didn't even mind when everyone in our group decided to leave about five minutes after we got there. The music was too loud for me and the dance floor was so packed it felt like a mosh pit. It was a sweaty mess of people knocking into each other while singing along to latest played out hip hop song. So later we ended up at Bar Pink. The music was loud as !@#$ and there were slightly less people, but I would still classify the experience as awful. I know I can be a little nerdy and cranky sometimes, but still, what sane adult would want to put themself through this crap?

so I guess all I can say is
"I'm getting too old for this shit" (Detective Murtaugh, Lethal Weapon 1).

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Blog Fail!

The last entry didn't make it to Facebook, it must be some sort of microchip or matrix-style problem. This is bad news because now the Facebookers can't get to my latest fantastic gripe.

Where are the new Inventions? It is supposed to feel like 2011 not 1987.

Nobody is inventing @#$! anymore. What happened to the mag-lev car idea? Or how about just an electric pencil sharpener that isn't super loud? I remember watching all these great future shows and movies back in the eighties with flying skateboards and jetpacks that can get you to work. What happened with all that? Did all the inventing stop when when the late great Billy Maze died? These days it seems like the only new inventions are iphone apps. Where is the magic and life changing innovation that I was promised during my childhood? I know there are cars that park themselves and an app for the iphone that can make boobs jiggle, but that isn't enough. We need a new transmorgrafier or at least a teleportation machine. I thought this was 2011, but for some reason it still feels like 1996. I saw Back To The Future and I want that stuff that that Marty McFly had. I watched James bond twenty years ago and we still don't have submarine cars on every block. It is 2011 and I ask modern scientists, inventors and Vince, the Shamwow guy: Where's the beef?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Save my Job, Don't be a Snob!

I am asking you to do this because I am an adjunct at Grossmont college and the next round of California State budget cuts are going to burn my bacon for sure.

"Please support the governor's proposal to put the tax extension measure on the June Ballot."

That is what you should say when you call the offices of these Republican legislators:

Senator Joel Anderson (916)651-4036
Senator Mark Wyland (916)651-4038
Assemblymember Nathan Fletcher (916)319-2075
Assemblymember Brian Jones (916)319-2077
Assemblymember Martin Garrick(916)319-2074

I don't usually get all political, but I am desperate, and if you can make a difference then help me out. I'll make these calls this afternoon for what it's worth.

I'm sorry to have to ask you to get involved in this political crap and I promise not to post any more buzz killington stuff like this again.

Monday, March 7, 2011

I've got a new word for you

Ontology. This is the way that something is learned. The word actually sounds more interesting than that, when I first heard it I thought it had some kind of theological significance. In grad school I had to write a paper in a rhetoric class. The prompt had something to do with argument and the ontological concerns of a text. I thought my vague idea of the word would get me through it and I didn't bother to look it up. It was an eight to ten page paper and I got a C on it because I royally screwed up the section on ontological belief. I also must have looked like a doofus when I presented the paper at the teacher's house with the rest of the class, which is something I was uncomfortable doing in the first place. I didn't really like the teacher, so the last place I wanted to go was her house.

So students, look up words you don't know in writing assignments. And teachers, don't ask students to attend the last class of the semester at your house, its creepy.

Look forward to tomorrow's exciting new blog entry about my next inane thought.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Price of Beer at Duke's Liquor is too Damn High!


70th and El Cajon is the major intersection by my apartment. So when I want to go buy some beer I go to Duke's Drive-In Liquor. When I first started buying from them I used to get twelve packs of Milwaukee's Best also known affectionately as The Beast.. I know it's not the best, but the price was right at $5.99. After about a year they stopped carrying Milwaukee's Best and instead, stocked their fridge with Keystone. Keystone is not much worse than the Beast so I didn't complain. Several months later the price went up to $6.99 and that is when I really started to miss the old Beast. And so my campaign began. I asked Stephan, the owner, what happened to my favorite cheap beer and he said he didn't order it any more. I asked him to get it for me and he said that he would think about it. From then on it was an ongoing conversation between us. It was kind of a little joke, and I pretty much gave up on ever getting the Beast back, but in the back of my head I dared to dream that one day it would be back on the shelf. I even went so far as to promise Stephan that I would buy all the Beast he stocked because he was worried that it wouldn't sell.

Finally, yesterday, my big moment arrived. I went to Duke's Drive-In Liquor and went to get my twelve pack of beer and there it was, Milwaukee's Best, the Beast. But things were not all good. My favorite finest cheapest beer was labelled at $8.49. What the !@#$ kind of crap is that? On the box it said Milwaukee's Best Premium, maybe old Stephan thought that was enough to merit a price change. Or maybe he thought he could get away with this screw job because it is a new product in his store. Either way I am quite pissed. And the icing on the cake is that he doesn't even carry Keystone anymore, he still has Keystone light, but any connoisseur knows that doesn't really count. So now my cheapest option has gone from $6.99 to $8.49 for a damn twelve pack of crummy beer.

I didn't get a raise last week and I don't recall any recent changes in the economy. So I don't know why old Stephan at Duke's Drive-In Liquor thinks he can get away with this.  I guess it's time to drag myself over to Miles Liquor a block and a half away. Until yesterday I never quite understood the old expression, "Be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it" but now I get it, and it is a real pisser. If you're out there Stephan of Duke's Liquor, have a heart, don't be so cold, you can drop the tough guy act. We both know that Milwaukee's Best Premium is the same old cheap ass beer. Bring down the price Stephan, you don't run a freaking gas station, there is no need for such shockingly abusive price gouging. Look for me next week in front of Duke's on El Cajon, I'll be the one picketing in protest of this uproarious injustice.
"Hey hey, ho ho, this high priced beer has got to go!"  

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Headphone Rap Stars

If you are listening to rap music on your headphones do you really need to rap along with the song? I thought the whole point of headphones was that I didn't have to hear it. And why is it whenever somebody walks by me and they are rapping along with the song its alway at the part where the rapper goes f!@# you b%$#. I feel like rap music today is giving me self esteem issues. But I guess it could be worse, some fool on his ipod could be yelling out rock lyrics, but we all know that would never happen because rock music today is so horrible that nobody would even try to say that bullcrap in public.

That's right, I started off complaining about rap music but the real complaint is modern rock. All you contemporary modern rockers are lame and you know it. Do your part to help stop noise pollution, just pack it up along with all your crappy Wilco CDs too. Oh, and for all my friends who have their own rock bands right now, this definitely applies to you.