Saturday, August 6, 2011

Enough with the pictures of your lousey food on Facebook

Why is it that every time some jerk makes a hot meal they have to put a picture of it up on Facebook?
It's so lame. Instead of just eating the stupid thing they have to turn it into a conversation piece. Is it so they won't seem so sad eating it alone on a Saturday night? And what makes it worse is all the stupid commentary that I read under the picture. People are liking it and say dumb crap like "Oooooh, I'm jealous." Just eat your stupid spaghetti or your sushi or whatever without sharing it. Maybe after you are done eating you could do something with you boring life and take a picture of that instead. Or better yet, the next time you decide to take a picture of your lunch and post it you should go ahead and take it to the next level. Wait about two hours after your meal and take a picture of the dump you just dropped in the toilet. You can put it on your wall and all your friends can be like, "Oh yeah, that turd looks soooo great, I wish I could take dumps like that."

Monday, August 1, 2011

Your Face!

Sometimes when I see someone and look at their face , I don’t like it. It’s not because they are ugly or because I am a racist, it’s just because I hate his/her face. Sometimes it is an expression that makes them look like they are shadey. Or it could be a way they are smiling that makes them look like a complete a-hole. Other times I see a person talking and imagine how awful it would be for me to to be talking to them.
What is more interesting is that my penchant for hating a person’s face has proven to be an accurate indicator of their crapulence.
I remember seeing this woman at a public event. She was normal, nothing was wong with her, she even had a smile on her face. But when I looked at her I just got this gut feeling that she kind of sucked. Months later a friend of mine introduced me to this very same person whose face I had disliked. I said hello and got away from her as soon as possible. I never told my friend about it because I couldn’t come up with a good way to explain it. Months later my friend told me that the person whose face I couldn’t stand turned out to be a a real jerkweed.
I remember another scenario where a friend of mine introduced me to a relative of his. I hated this person’s face too, but I definitely wasn’t going to tell my friend about it. It turned out later that his relative was totally a piece of !@#$.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Living Room (needs a dining room)

More like the crummy roast beef sandwich room. Their house bread was great, but the roast beef tasted like it was straight out of the Ralphs deli. Next time I'll check out the breakfast.
I have eaten outside over there before, but last week I ate inside in their freaky living room dining room space. I felt a little uncomfortable eating there on a Saturday afternoon because everyone was studying around us. Carrie kept complaining because I was speaking too quietly. I was afraid to speak louder because I kept getting the dirty eyeball from everyone studying around us whenever I said anything.
Everything is all retro and cool, but it's too close in there. I don't care if I'm sitting at a vintage wooden table if I have to get dirty looks from a foot away because I'm distracting someone from their laptop stuff. People need more space because we hate being near eachother.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Why do the big foam gliders have to be so crappy?

Air Hogs is one of many companies that makes this horrible toy. Me and some kids were out on an empty field throwing this piece of crap back and forth and it was just as lame as I always remembered it. I went through all the same stages that I can recollect from childhood. First I looked at the giant aircraft thinking about how badass it was going to be when I got a chance to fly it. Then I went through the traditional dissapointment of opening the bag to see a few chipped off pieces and a melted part of one wing caused by sun exposure. After that it was anticipation, as I wondered how awesome this thing would look in the air. And when the moment to fly her came I was brought back to sad reality as the plane had a lackluster flight followed by a heartbreaking crash where the wings popped off like they were hardly attached to anything. And about 15-20 flights later the wings slipped off before the thing even hit the ground.

Why can't these planes last for more than one freaking afternoon? Aren't things made out of styrafoam supposed to last forever?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

You can keep your farm raised beef

Whenever I look at menu and see that my burger is made out of farm raised beef I'm like, here we go with all the bourgoise bullcrap. I don't care if it was raised on a farm, I just care if it has bacon on it. I also don't give a @#$! if my eggs are farm fresh either, I just want to know if they come with a side of bacon with them. And speaking of bacon, I don't give two @#$!'s how this lttle piggy lived his life, as long as he ends up crispy (but not burnt) on my plate. And who can verify the farm freshness of these guys anyway? Couldn't they go get the stuff from a store, rub a little dirt on it, show up in the kitchen and be like "Hey, here it is fresh from the farm!"
Next thing you know there will be farm fresh slim jims at 7-11 and farm fresh beers at the liquor store.
All these fancy pants places with their farm fresh crap are whatever.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Don't buy sunglasses at the Arco on College and Montezuma

I was riding my bicycle past the gas station by SDSU yesterday and I saw the guy working there was putting up the numbers for the latest gas prices. He had a long pole with a grabber on the end to place the numbers on the sign high above him. I was alright with this, I even thought about how it might be fun to put those numbers up myself, as an entertaining dexterity test. But then I looked at the man's face and the sunglasses he was wearing. They still had the tags on them! Right on the bridge of the nose. Why would a gas station attendant leave the tags on a pair of sunglasses sold at the minimart where he works? Is it because that is the new style, to leave your tags on your sunglasses, or because he did not buy them? My fear is that he is just using them for a minute because it is a sunny day, and he plans to put them right back on the shelf. This wouldn't be a major criminal offense if it was the middle of November, but it is June, the hottest freakin' month we have had in San Diego this year. On a hot day like this the bridge of a person's nose and the backs of his ears are going to get hot and sweaty. This means there will be a pair of sunglasses on the shelf with alot of minimart attendant sweat on them. Sure, he might have wiped it off, but does that make it OK? I say no. Sunglasses at that Arco will be forever tainted as far as I'm concerned. I hate to think of what other atrocities might have occured there. Hopefully they don't sell underwear over there too.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Being on unemployment is a full time job.

A couple of weeks ago I filed for unemployment benefits and it is a pain in the ass. There are all these forms, I have to register with multiple California government agencies, the paperwork is hard to decipher, and I have to make notes on every place where I have applied for work. And don't even get me started on what a pain it is to get the last 18 months of financial records from the HR office at both of my part time jobs.

And after all this I still haven't received a check yet. And because the paperwork is so confusing I'm not even sure if I will be receivig a check. But I haven't given up on the dream yet. An old neighbor of mine told me that someone on unemployment qualifies for food stamps or WIC or whatever it is, and if this is really true I will take a trip down to the family services office in my neighborhood. If I am able to sift through all the proper administrative details I might be able to find a way to get some actual government cheese. I feel that if I can manage to actually get a free block of natural cheddat cheese in my hands, then this whole experience will have been worth it.