Don't worry I'm still scheduled to do part three, an Italian restaurant review, from the eight part fine dining series. But just yesterday I was at IKEA to get a few rigels,a spoka, and an aspelund. So before we started shopping we went upstairs to their cafeteria. The up side of going there was the reasonably priced food and the drinks, and the down side of it was it was a cafeteria. Their salmon is not bad and I like their meatballs, even with that lingonberry sauce. They now have a lingonberry juice in the soda fountain, which I rather liked. But it just didn't taste as good because it was fresh off the heat lamp and served in a lunchroom style cafeteria. I think IKEA needs to kick it up a notch. It is IKEA right? The land of cheaply made fantasy furniture. With all the whacked out things they sell in their store why can't they bust out the crazy restaurant with rolling panels, transforming tables, ridiculous chairs and impossible lamps?
Well, if you don't mind eating in a typical cafeteria, take a trip upstairs before you pick up a new expedit, and you can get some pretty okay Swedish food.
Look forward to my next exciting post about something else in San Diego that I find mildly annoying.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
San Diego Cable is Extortion
Times are looking pretty tough this summer and I'm afraid that I will have to disconnect my basic cable package. I don't know what I'm going to do because television is a major part of my life. In this city you can't get by on bunny ears for your TV and I think it's bull. In any other city you can plug in your TV and hook up an antennae from Radio Shack, and you've got network channels and Fox. But in San Diego you have to be rich if you want to catch an episode of the Simpsons.
A few years ago you could get a few channels with the bunny ears antennae but then the whole signal conversion thing happened and now you need a converter box if you don't have cable. Will this mysterious converter box even work? The basic channels are so hard to get in this city I'm afraid the whole thing will be a waste of time and money. Many people have decided to circumvent the whole problem by disconnecting their cable service and using their internet connection to watch television programs. It's a good idea but I just want to be able to sit down and turn on the TV and watch crap without having to think about it. Is that such a tall order? Remember the beginning of Married With Children? He put one hand on his lap and the other one on his remote and he was in business, that's what I want. So if your listening Jerry Brown would you please get right on that?
A few years ago you could get a few channels with the bunny ears antennae but then the whole signal conversion thing happened and now you need a converter box if you don't have cable. Will this mysterious converter box even work? The basic channels are so hard to get in this city I'm afraid the whole thing will be a waste of time and money. Many people have decided to circumvent the whole problem by disconnecting their cable service and using their internet connection to watch television programs. It's a good idea but I just want to be able to sit down and turn on the TV and watch crap without having to think about it. Is that such a tall order? Remember the beginning of Married With Children? He put one hand on his lap and the other one on his remote and he was in business, that's what I want. So if your listening Jerry Brown would you please get right on that?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
San Diego Tap Water: A Mockery of a Sham
What is up with the bogus ass water that comes from our faucets? Why is it that water from the tap tastes like crap? What are they doing at all the water treatment plants in San Diego, pissing into the resevoirs? All the water from my sink tastes like egg water with a little bit of rust in it. And why is it that most public drinking fountains taste OK, but the water that comes from the sink I pay for tastes like it's gone bad?
Until I moved out here I didn't know it was possible for a city's entire water supply to taste like !@#%. So if you live somewhere like Chicago or New York and you want know what San Diego Tap water tastes like, just pour yourself a nice cold glass from the tap, add a teaspoon of piss and a pinch of dirt, and you'll know what we're working with here in SD.
Until I moved out here I didn't know it was possible for a city's entire water supply to taste like !@#%. So if you live somewhere like Chicago or New York and you want know what San Diego Tap water tastes like, just pour yourself a nice cold glass from the tap, add a teaspoon of piss and a pinch of dirt, and you'll know what we're working with here in SD.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I've got a new adjective for you, Black and Yellow
Anything that is cool is Black and Yellow.
When I woke up this morning that song by Wiz Khalifa was on the alarm clock radio.
My little bro wanted to know if I liked the RC car he was looking at online, and I told him that it was black and yellow.
When I woke up this morning that song by Wiz Khalifa was on the alarm clock radio.
My little bro wanted to know if I liked the RC car he was looking at online, and I told him that it was black and yellow.
The Dead Zone on El Cajon
I live by the 70th and El Cajon Blvd. intersection and I want to know what the @#!$ is up with the real estate between 70th and 72nd on El Cajon Blvd. Every time a new restaurant opens up it closes down within 4 months. A few years ago the city fenced off a lot on the corner of 70th street and then proceeded to build nothing on the property. Around two or three years ago the bar, Shamrock's Shack, closed down. Two years ago an Italian restaurant opened up and then closed down after about 5 months. I was a big fan of their penne carbonara with peas. Last year a Mexican restaurant opened up and then closed down around four months later. I was not a big fan of their mashed potato tacos. Why is this strip of land so badly cursed? I am dying to have a new spot in the neighborhood. I get so excited when a new spot opens and I get to put it into the rotation. There are only one or two decent restaurants in my area and I am in desperate need of a new place to break up the routine.
I remember like it was yesterday when that new Italian spot opened up. I made sure to get dinner from that place at least once a week. I wanted them to live so bad! It was funny too because they kind of hated me over there. The place had a nice decor and I could tell they wanted me to hangout so I could buy drinks and tip the wait staff, but I usually ordered my food to go. The lady at the register would always give me a really dirty look every time I picked up my order: pasta, meatball sandwich, soup of the day, and a side of stink eye from the cranky ass hostess. I guess she had a right to be pissed though, since she was about to be out of a job. But I didn't feel bad for her because no matter what her situation was, she was still a bitch to me.
A couple of months ago an African market opened up across the street form the El Cajon dead zone. The owner must look out across the street and see nothing but failed businesses, empty husks of building, and then wonder to himself, what the !@$# was I thinking? He's got a lot of palm oil products and my favorite exotic soda, ginger beer. It is not beer in any way, just a really strong bottle of soda. I told him about the curse of the neighborhood and he told me that a bunch of people already told him about it and he wished he could break his lease. This freaking neigborhood has like 57 smoke shops, 15 liquor stores and like 3 places to get some food. What the F man? I can't eat bongs and lottery tickets for dinner, I need a new place to eat at!
I remember like it was yesterday when that new Italian spot opened up. I made sure to get dinner from that place at least once a week. I wanted them to live so bad! It was funny too because they kind of hated me over there. The place had a nice decor and I could tell they wanted me to hangout so I could buy drinks and tip the wait staff, but I usually ordered my food to go. The lady at the register would always give me a really dirty look every time I picked up my order: pasta, meatball sandwich, soup of the day, and a side of stink eye from the cranky ass hostess. I guess she had a right to be pissed though, since she was about to be out of a job. But I didn't feel bad for her because no matter what her situation was, she was still a bitch to me.
A couple of months ago an African market opened up across the street form the El Cajon dead zone. The owner must look out across the street and see nothing but failed businesses, empty husks of building, and then wonder to himself, what the !@$# was I thinking? He's got a lot of palm oil products and my favorite exotic soda, ginger beer. It is not beer in any way, just a really strong bottle of soda. I told him about the curse of the neighborhood and he told me that a bunch of people already told him about it and he wished he could break his lease. This freaking neigborhood has like 57 smoke shops, 15 liquor stores and like 3 places to get some food. What the F man? I can't eat bongs and lottery tickets for dinner, I need a new place to eat at!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Subway or Quizno's, two sandwich shops my girlfriend hates
I know you've been patiently waiting for the second installment of my special 8 part San Diego fine dining review, and here it is.
A Tale of Two Mediocre Sandwich Shops
I must admit that I have more experience with Subway so I'll start there. Subway is my personal favorite of the two but that does not necessarily that it is the better establishment. The portions are big, the amount of meat you get may be comparable to Quizno's but the vegetables available put Subway over the top. They will let you go so far as to ruin your sandwich by piling so many ingredients on there that it just isn't right. My personal example is when I used to order the meatball with lettuce and mustard and mayo. It wasn't good, and I used to feel a little sick afterwards, but I did it anyway.
At Quidgeebo's they dictate your sandwich ingredients with an iron thumb. Some employees will let you throw on a few mushrooms or something, but other will not, stating that "the sandwich does not come with those vegetables." This is why I would not recommend going to Subwheesey before Quizmaster's. It is depressing to transition from the land of a million condiment options to a sad sandwich dictatorship where any additional vegetable is made to feel like you are ordering "off menu." But besides my whole vegetable tirade The Quizzy is not bad. Their sandwiches are a bit more sophisticated with slightly more tasteful cuts of meat. Where Subadub carries roast beef, the Quiz has prime rib. Where Subway has mayo Quizno's has horseradish sauce. Quizbow's also has a few more eating choices, they had all kinds of weird variations of the typical footlong a while before Subway did. Another place where they have outdone the master is with their sauce and pepper bar available to customers to freely abuse after they have paid for their sandwich. Quizno's also has recently adopted cheaper food options, but I think they took that cue from Subdog Millionaire.
The service at both fine restaurants is often dictated by the customers. Subway is usually jam packed with fools. This creates a hectic environment where sandwiches are flying and the workers are dying. I once sadly watched a meatball fall off my sandwich as it was quickly rushed from one station to another. But this type of thing is bound to happen when there are like 37 people waiting in a line that often goes to the door. During one visit my order was so rushed that the "sandwich artist" forgot to put mustard and mayo on all three of our sandwiches. But this was rectified by the manager who gave me a several generous coupons in an attempt to win back my business. Little did she know that I was already hopelessly addicted to their 5 dollar menu. Quizzler is often much less of a packed house, not resembling a pre-cold war Russian bread line like Subway. Their rolling toaster over also helps to keep things moving. While the atmosphere is more laid back, so are their sandwiches, and that for me is the problem. I don't don't really mind wading through the crazy mad house that is Subway because my sandwich has a big pile of stuff on it. My overall experience at Quiznonino's might be a bit more classy but in the end I feel like my sandwich is thinner for it.
So go to Quizno's if you want an appropriate sandwich with all the fitting ingredients and go to Subway if you are the type who like to have their cup runeth over with piles and piles of extra stuff.
Look out for my next fabulous installment of this epic 8 part series on the finest food in San Diego-
Mona Lisa or Etna's: two pricey restaurants that will break your pockets but not your stomach.
A Tale of Two Mediocre Sandwich Shops
I must admit that I have more experience with Subway so I'll start there. Subway is my personal favorite of the two but that does not necessarily that it is the better establishment. The portions are big, the amount of meat you get may be comparable to Quizno's but the vegetables available put Subway over the top. They will let you go so far as to ruin your sandwich by piling so many ingredients on there that it just isn't right. My personal example is when I used to order the meatball with lettuce and mustard and mayo. It wasn't good, and I used to feel a little sick afterwards, but I did it anyway.
At Quidgeebo's they dictate your sandwich ingredients with an iron thumb. Some employees will let you throw on a few mushrooms or something, but other will not, stating that "the sandwich does not come with those vegetables." This is why I would not recommend going to Subwheesey before Quizmaster's. It is depressing to transition from the land of a million condiment options to a sad sandwich dictatorship where any additional vegetable is made to feel like you are ordering "off menu." But besides my whole vegetable tirade The Quizzy is not bad. Their sandwiches are a bit more sophisticated with slightly more tasteful cuts of meat. Where Subadub carries roast beef, the Quiz has prime rib. Where Subway has mayo Quizno's has horseradish sauce. Quizbow's also has a few more eating choices, they had all kinds of weird variations of the typical footlong a while before Subway did. Another place where they have outdone the master is with their sauce and pepper bar available to customers to freely abuse after they have paid for their sandwich. Quizno's also has recently adopted cheaper food options, but I think they took that cue from Subdog Millionaire.
The service at both fine restaurants is often dictated by the customers. Subway is usually jam packed with fools. This creates a hectic environment where sandwiches are flying and the workers are dying. I once sadly watched a meatball fall off my sandwich as it was quickly rushed from one station to another. But this type of thing is bound to happen when there are like 37 people waiting in a line that often goes to the door. During one visit my order was so rushed that the "sandwich artist" forgot to put mustard and mayo on all three of our sandwiches. But this was rectified by the manager who gave me a several generous coupons in an attempt to win back my business. Little did she know that I was already hopelessly addicted to their 5 dollar menu. Quizzler is often much less of a packed house, not resembling a pre-cold war Russian bread line like Subway. Their rolling toaster over also helps to keep things moving. While the atmosphere is more laid back, so are their sandwiches, and that for me is the problem. I don't don't really mind wading through the crazy mad house that is Subway because my sandwich has a big pile of stuff on it. My overall experience at Quiznonino's might be a bit more classy but in the end I feel like my sandwich is thinner for it.
So go to Quizno's if you want an appropriate sandwich with all the fitting ingredients and go to Subway if you are the type who like to have their cup runeth over with piles and piles of extra stuff.
Look out for my next fabulous installment of this epic 8 part series on the finest food in San Diego-
Mona Lisa or Etna's: two pricey restaurants that will break your pockets but not your stomach.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Micky D's or Jacky B's: A guide to Fine Dining in San Diego
Four days a week I arrive at San Diego State University at about 5:15. I have 45 minutes before work and I want to grab something to eat. I'm not rich so my budget is around 2 dollars, 3 dollars when I'm doin' it big. I want to get the biggest bang for my buck so it becomes a dollar menu type of situation. Located next to SDSU, about 2 blocks from each other are Jack in the Box and McDonald's. So now I must decide who to give my valuable business. I grew up in Chicago where Jack in the Box never existed so it took me a while to defect from McDonald's.
The Food:
McDonald's has a decent dollar menu, although I swear the double cheeseburger used to have 2 pieces of cheese on it for the same price. I like getting a sundae with my cheeseburger so that is one way to really bring it home with 2 dollars and some change. But sadly, the McChicken sandwich ain't going to win any awards at the fast food Oscars (a.k.a. this blog). The fries are usually not hot which is another drawback of the house that Ronald McDonald built.
Jack in the Box, also fondly known as Jack in the Crack or Jack's Crack, has a decent dollar menu as well. I find their dollar chicken sandwich to be a bit better than that of McDonald's. The lettuce is less wilted and their are no weird chewy spots in the middle of their patties. The dollar menu burgers are different but not really that much better or worse than Micky D's. A niche that they have covered well is the 2 dollar burger. The Jumbo Jack with cheese is not bad. I'm pretty sure you can't get any burger with lettuce and cheese from McDonald's for 2 bucks. Jack makes OK fries, but they are at least hot, but that is more of restaurant to restaurant type of deal depending on how real the employees keep it.
The Service:
The employees at Jack's Crack do keep it pretty real. The server will sometimes ask me if I would like a free water with my meal, this is a nice departure from the typical fast food restaurant policy with water. most places (like McDonald's) make you beg for free water like a dog. The servers and cashiers at the Crack also seem to be a bit more friendly than those at McDonald's. Although there is that one cashier at McDonald's who calls me boss, which I like. At Jack's the cashier seems to be a bit more pleased to be taking my order, always smiling. This is not always the case at McDonald's. The way they respond to the customer often seems to be directly related to the kind of day they are having. And there is this one guy who works at the Golden Arches that I swear is giving me dirty looks. One time I sat in a part of the restaurant that he was starting to block off and he gave me and my girlfriend the dirty eyeball the whole time we were eating there. Skinny dude with the long dark hair and glasses with the McDonald's hat, I'm talking about you.
Based on my experience at both fine establishments I would say that the people who work at the SDSU Micky D's are Jerks and the folks who work at the SDSU Jack in the Box are pleasant enough. I'm not looking for the cashier to kiss my ass or anything, but I do think they should be nicer than the ones at the SDSU McDonald's.
The Customers:
The people at both college area eateries are pretty terrible. The McDonald's is more of a public meeting place for people who are not cool enough for Starbucks, and Jack in the Box is more of a bum haven. At either place I usually get it to go.
Next Week look forward to the second installment of my special 8 part San Diego fine dining review -Subway or Quizno's, a Tale of two Mediocre Sandwich Shops.
The Food:
McDonald's has a decent dollar menu, although I swear the double cheeseburger used to have 2 pieces of cheese on it for the same price. I like getting a sundae with my cheeseburger so that is one way to really bring it home with 2 dollars and some change. But sadly, the McChicken sandwich ain't going to win any awards at the fast food Oscars (a.k.a. this blog). The fries are usually not hot which is another drawback of the house that Ronald McDonald built.
Jack in the Box, also fondly known as Jack in the Crack or Jack's Crack, has a decent dollar menu as well. I find their dollar chicken sandwich to be a bit better than that of McDonald's. The lettuce is less wilted and their are no weird chewy spots in the middle of their patties. The dollar menu burgers are different but not really that much better or worse than Micky D's. A niche that they have covered well is the 2 dollar burger. The Jumbo Jack with cheese is not bad. I'm pretty sure you can't get any burger with lettuce and cheese from McDonald's for 2 bucks. Jack makes OK fries, but they are at least hot, but that is more of restaurant to restaurant type of deal depending on how real the employees keep it.
The Service:
The employees at Jack's Crack do keep it pretty real. The server will sometimes ask me if I would like a free water with my meal, this is a nice departure from the typical fast food restaurant policy with water. most places (like McDonald's) make you beg for free water like a dog. The servers and cashiers at the Crack also seem to be a bit more friendly than those at McDonald's. Although there is that one cashier at McDonald's who calls me boss, which I like. At Jack's the cashier seems to be a bit more pleased to be taking my order, always smiling. This is not always the case at McDonald's. The way they respond to the customer often seems to be directly related to the kind of day they are having. And there is this one guy who works at the Golden Arches that I swear is giving me dirty looks. One time I sat in a part of the restaurant that he was starting to block off and he gave me and my girlfriend the dirty eyeball the whole time we were eating there. Skinny dude with the long dark hair and glasses with the McDonald's hat, I'm talking about you.
Based on my experience at both fine establishments I would say that the people who work at the SDSU Micky D's are Jerks and the folks who work at the SDSU Jack in the Box are pleasant enough. I'm not looking for the cashier to kiss my ass or anything, but I do think they should be nicer than the ones at the SDSU McDonald's.
The Customers:
The people at both college area eateries are pretty terrible. The McDonald's is more of a public meeting place for people who are not cool enough for Starbucks, and Jack in the Box is more of a bum haven. At either place I usually get it to go.
Next Week look forward to the second installment of my special 8 part San Diego fine dining review -Subway or Quizno's, a Tale of two Mediocre Sandwich Shops.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
I've got a new word for you
Ancillary, my little bro uses it all the time as if it is a normal part of every day vocabulary.
It is a reference to something that is extra, and not very significant in the scheme of a plan. When you open a shoe box to take out a new pair of shoes you don't care if the box is a little dented. That is because the condition of the box is an ancillary detail; you are only concerned with the condition of the shoes.
Good luck using that dorky ass word.
I'm not sure if it will be as valuable to you as the provocative new term Nerd-Wipe, a fantastic insult I coined in honor of the Extreme Justice League.
Look out for my next super exciting blog entry entitled: Micky D's or Jacky B's?
-a special San Diego fine dining review.
It is a reference to something that is extra, and not very significant in the scheme of a plan. When you open a shoe box to take out a new pair of shoes you don't care if the box is a little dented. That is because the condition of the box is an ancillary detail; you are only concerned with the condition of the shoes.
Good luck using that dorky ass word.
I'm not sure if it will be as valuable to you as the provocative new term Nerd-Wipe, a fantastic insult I coined in honor of the Extreme Justice League.
Look out for my next super exciting blog entry entitled: Micky D's or Jacky B's?
-a special San Diego fine dining review.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Beware of White Devils
Kevin Trudeau and Anthony Morrison are two of the prominent white devils of latenight TV. Sometimes when a man is down on his luck and his life isn't going the way he wants it to he can fall victim to the evil bastards of late night infomercial hell. I'm not a complete idiot but I have fallen for a few scams in my day. Like eight years ago I saw a commercial that looked like a reporter interviewing a doctor. The two of them were talking about some amazing weight loss product and I was totally convinced. I think the fact that it was 2 in the morning had something to do with it. Two months and 40 dollars later I realized I fell for their scam. I was so pissed that they tricked me, but I got over it. A few years later I saw this advertising trickster selling some new scam about health products. Then I realized that this guy is always coming up with new ways to seperate fools from their money late at night. His name is Kevin Trudeau. I recently saw another late night snake oil salesman named Anthony Morrison. Instead of offering to help me be less of a fat ass he was offering get rich quick schemes related to advertising and the internet. I found myself listening to him and wondering if his offer was too good to be true, and suddenly I thought of old Kevin T. So I looked these guys up and found out that they are associates of some kind. And I also found out that my boy Kevin has gotten into a bit of legal trouble as a result of his deceptive infomercials. Justice!
It is because of men like these that the White Devil exists. I can talk about the white devil because I am Jewish. Jews are pretty much white, but not quite because white people still talk about us behind our backs.
It is because of men like these that the White Devil exists. I can talk about the white devil because I am Jewish. Jews are pretty much white, but not quite because white people still talk about us behind our backs.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I'm going to join the Extreme Justice League
Psych.
I picked up a copy of The Daily Aztec and I got to see what the XJL has been doing in the college area. in the article I was directed to a video on thedailyaztec.com and after viewing Mr Xtreme's interview I'm pretty sure that Mr. X is a jackass. I remember when he didn't have a squad back when he was in an article in the reader and he's still just as ridiculous. I mean kickass was a pretty good movie and all but seriously. As noble as their intentions might be I can't help but think that the Extreme Justice league is comprised of a bunch of Nerd-Wipes. That's right, I invented a new insult just to give these guys their comeuppance.
I picked up a copy of The Daily Aztec and I got to see what the XJL has been doing in the college area. in the article I was directed to a video on thedailyaztec.com and after viewing Mr Xtreme's interview I'm pretty sure that Mr. X is a jackass. I remember when he didn't have a squad back when he was in an article in the reader and he's still just as ridiculous. I mean kickass was a pretty good movie and all but seriously. As noble as their intentions might be I can't help but think that the Extreme Justice league is comprised of a bunch of Nerd-Wipes. That's right, I invented a new insult just to give these guys their comeuppance.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Motorcycles in the Morning
Give it a rest! There is a guy who revs his motorcycle every morning around 8:00 in the morning and I am over it. In fact I'm over motorcycles all together. Who is the jerk that decided they should be so loud? Is it the same guy who decided that motorcylce jackets needed to look so stupid? I heard that a motorcycle doesn't necessarily have to be so loud, and the riders decide to to outfit their hogs with noisey exhausts for the thrill of it. If that is true then motorcycle riders are no better than the geniuses who put the whistle tips on the ends of their car mufflers. Remember the whistle tips, they made a screaming bottle rocket noise as driver would speed away. I know that I may have just alienated members of the motorcycle riding public, but I can live with that. With the exception of Dave Curington, everybody I know who rides a motorcycle is a complete sack of #$@! anyway.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Redbox, Stop Hating On Danny Trejo
I have gone to the Redbox like 8 times trying to get a copy of Machete. I go in the morning, I've gone there in the afternoon. I went to the Redbox by 7-11, I went to the one at Ralphs, what the hell am I supposed to do? This movie looks totally crazy and the redbox obviously does not carry enough copies of it. So Mr. Redbox executive decision maker guy, I would kindly ask you to put more copies of Machete into circulation. What do you have against Danny Trejo anyway? I had no problem getting a copy of Dinner for Schmucks when it was released. I guess that is not a fair comparison because that was like one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Actually I think they should have changed the title to Movie for Schmucks.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Subway, why did you do it?
Your 5 dollar foot longs were so great. Every sub was 5 bucks, and it was like a dream. But then, just when I was getting used to such a fantastic deal you snatched it away and said that only a few select subs were 5 dollars. I decided to deal with my pain and found a few choices that I could rely on. But now in the month of February you are playing games with my heart and you have made all regular subs 5 bucks again. And now I am lost, I want to order a new one but I'm afraid to get comfortable eating the BMT because I feel like you will just snatch it away from me again in the blink of an eye. Don't do it Subway. My stomach is saying yes but my heart is saying no. Make them all 5 dollars again, let freedom come back in this country. If the subs are going to go back up in price next month then its like this wonderful sandwich renaissance never happened. I call on you to fight this cruel decision made by the heartless Subway regime. If they could do it in Egypt we can do it here, Americans need to ban together and protest in the streets until all the 5 dollar subs are back. On that day, a tear will well up in my eye as I order whatever sandwich I want.
People Don’t Use Good Comebacks Anymore
In recent years insults have become entirely too racial or sexually prejudiced. There are still plenty of ways to insult someone with out alienating yourself from the rest of your social community. Here are some of my personal favorites.
What ever they said about you, say the same thing about their face.
For example: If someone says that you are stupid tell them that their face is stupid.
Repeat the last three words the person said in a crappy voice.
If they tell you to do something unpleasant or irritating you tell them to do the same thing even if it makes no sense.
Tell them you don’t understand what they mean, and if they try to explain further tell them that you don’t speak English.
Ask them if they can verify an article in the local newspaper you just picked up that claims they are a piece of @%$!.
When they are not around spread a rumor that they had stomach flu and accidentally crapped their pants at work the other day.
With any luck these helpful phrases can make someone feel bad about themself or their ability to talk @#%!.
Fix Lake Murray Already
Anybody who has gone to Lake Murray knows what I’m talking about. Me and Frida (my dog) were out at Lake Murray yesterday and it just sucks that the path does not go all the way around. There is some kind of stupid construction or something that blocks the loop and makes it so you have to turn around and go back the way you came. After about 40 minutes of walking it would be nice if a person could be almost done with the route, but no, you will have to double back and retrace your same boring steps to get home. When I used to run the lake it sucked even more. By the time I got to the end I was about out of juice and always felt like I was stranded or something with an end in sight but out of reach. If they don’t want to connect the loop, maybe the city could just put in a freaking water fountain somewhere in the second half of the trail so the long walk back could be less miserable. Over on the edge of San Diego proper on the border of La Mesa lake Murray is all we’ve got. Its our own ghetto water feature that makes us feel like we’re not losers for never getting out to the beach. So if it was just a little less crappy all of our lives could really get a lot better. Hook it up urban parks and recreation. Finish the job on this public trail so that my fat ass can get some exercise without hating life the whole time.
I’ve got a new word and a great joke
Ken. It’s not just a name. Something that is outside of your understanding is beyond your ken. Until now the word ken was, for many of you, beyond your ken. Use it and get dissed for being an English nerd, I know I will. A student athlete who is a bit of a jerk told me a funny joke that relates to me being an English nerd. I was so happy to hear it because the inoffensive joke is a bit of a lost art these days.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
It’s to whom.
If I was still in grade school I wouldn’t even tell this joke because it is not very cool.
Give us back the XFL
Seriously. Who remembers the XFL? It was a beautiful thing. Right after the football season ended the goofy season of the XFL began. There was football all year round. Sure it was silly, it was run by a big name from professional wrestling, and it had a bunch of weird “xtreme” rules like no fair catches. But it was better than nothing. And it was the birthplace of the “He Hate Me” jersey. When the player wearing the jersey was asked why it said that his response was “He hate me.” Genius!
What do football fans have to look foreward to now? Baseball? I hate watching baseball so much. I would rather get kicked in the balls than have to sit through an entire baseball game. It all goes back to what I said earlier, the media always takes away the things we like and leaves us with syndicated reruns of “Two and half Men,” a show that I really hate.
Every Day is a Work Day
I post every day but I don’t always have something great to say. I guess I could discuss my irritation with movie trailers. I saw True Grit the other day and it was another case of a movie that has been killed by its previews. This is weak I know but I’ve got to give my fans something. Every great line in the movie was edited down and already said in the preview. I went to see the movie looking forward to some great one-liners but I had already heard them in the previews. I understand that the previews are there to make you want to see the movie, but come on man, leave something for me to watch.
Tumblr was fun, but now I'm with Google
I was greatful for the free blog site. It enabled me to start this lousy blog in the first place. But I don’t like how people have to join the site and have a blog of their own in order to follow me. How am I supposed to get the global recognition that I so rightfully deserve if it is so difficult to become a follower of my blog on Tumblr? Sure you can read it everyday on facebook, hanging on my every word, but I want more committment from my readers. I want to know that they know that what I know is so great that they are willing to label themselves as members of my loyal following. So that is why Tumblr has gone way of the dinosaur and the google blogspot is way of the successful future
“Do it, do it now, kill me!”
Dutch in “Predator” 1987
Bums at the 70th and El Cajon bus stop
Leave. Go away. You guys make riding the MTS even more shameful than it already is. I’m sorry that you have hit hard times, but I just can’t take it anymore. At first I wasn’t down for the pop up seats at some of the bus stops downtown, but now I’m super down for them and I wish they were in my bummy ass neighborhood. I know it’s mean to talk !@#$ about bums, but it’s on the internet, so it’s not like they are ever going to hear about it anyway.
Please, No More Pyramid Schemes
I am so sick of these fantasy investment schemes. A millionaire came up with some great way to offer people an obscure service that involves people bothering me and asking for money at work, at Subway, and at home. No matter where I go somebody is there trying to get me to invest in some bullcrap opportunity that involves going to a seminar and paying money into a system that involves residual income. The last time one of these would-be scammers approached me while I was trying to order a spicy italian I decided to see what the heck all this pyramid stuff was all about. So I asked her what part I would play in the system and she wouldn’t tell me what the work entailed. Instead she told me to go to call a recorded message that would tell me what it was all about. The message wouldn’t explicitly state it either. The recorded voice told me to go to a website for further information, and at this point I had to ask myself how badly I wanted to be scammed. I talked it over with my girlfriend who was shocked because she thought that I was smarter than that. That helped me get a hold on reality. It made me realize that I was entertaining this fantasy pyramid scheme out of economic desperation. As a community college adjunct instructor my revenue stream is constantly in question, and when I get totally stressed out from it I am forced to consider anything. Thank god I have a good woman to tell me when I’m being a fool.
The other day I was thinking about starting a pyramid scheme of my own. I would come up with an extravagant economic opportunity, develop a social following committed to the project, then I would ask every member of the organization to slap themself in the face for being such a gullible moron.
A Very Serious Issue!
WHY DOES FAMILY GUY COME ON EVERY NIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF ADULT SWIM?
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY HAS WANTED TO WATCH FAMILY GUY RERUNS AT TEN O CLOCK SINCE 2005.
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY HAS WANTED TO WATCH FAMILY GUY RERUNS AT TEN O CLOCK SINCE 2005.
The Cheba Hut Pissed Me Off The Other Day
Me and my girlfriend wanted to go out for sandwiches with her 7 year old daughter and 13 year old son. So we decided to check out a new sandwich spot in our college area neighborhood. The Cheba Hut. On the sign in front it says “toasted” subs. I got the joke. I guess it seemed clever because of all the smoke shops and weed dispensories in the area. So we start to walk in and on the front window there is a menu that refers to the sandwiches as “nugs,” “pinners,” and “blunts.” And after reading that we felt we couldn’t go in. It was very frustrating that some stupid drug language got in the way of our family lunch experience. Nobody wanted to have to explain these terms to a seven year old girl who might have overheard them. Thanks alot Cheba Hut. Your food might be good but I’ll never get to find out because you have a PG13 menu. Don’t you want families to eat in your restaurant? Isn’t that where the money is? Oh no wait you want to rely on stoners, great plan.
Read This Blog
read everything I say and tell others of my wisdom
I’m upset that I look so messed up in this
Douche Bags
I’m a douche bag you’re a douche bag everyone’s a douche bag.
I think that was the number one phrase of 2010. it became official when Kanye West put in that song on the MTV music video awards. I hope 2011 can produce a better quintessential name to call people.
Metalocalypse is hard to watch
all my favorite cartoons come on at like one in the morning.
What kind of crap is that?
I have to pass out watching American Dad and family Guy instead of watching something good.
Did adult swim make some shady deal with Seth McFarland?
Don't be so greedy, help California out
And the only way to do it is with more taxes.
My salary is just a hair above the poverty line and I support all the new taxes that have been proposed to bail out our under-funded city. It makes me sick that the rich folks who will still be rich after they pay their taxes are so selfish that they are unwilling to help rebuild the city in which they live.
Kanye West should do a rap about them.
No Good TV is On Anymore
Why does the media take away the things we like and leave the worst crap for us to watch?
Malcom in the Middle is still on all the time and I can’t find any episodes of Airwolf anywhere.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Automated Interaction Only, No People Wanted
More and more, there are automated transactions for everything. I rent my movies from a computer in a box. I check out my own groceries from a computer at Ralphs. I check out my own library books. I would rather go to the ATM than talk to a teller. At Jack in the Box I order my food and pay at a Kiosk instead of talking to a cashier. And when I look around me everyone is busy with their phones, not talking but texting instead. We don’t want to talk to anyone anymore, not even our friends. We would rather send messages to and receive messages from them so that we don’t ever have to hear their lousy voices.
Students are going to automated online colleges instead of sitting in classrooms. You are reading a blog instead of actively seeking out information or talking to another person. Do we hate eachother so much that we would rather communicate only through sterile technological buffers? Some old literary guy said “Hell is other people.”
Would we prefer the scenario of the Terminator movies? When SKYNET takes over nobody is going to be upset, it is going to be more like “Finally, what took you so long?”
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